We have all been there.
A moment passes. Something shifts. A conversation that was flowing suddenly feels flat. A person who used to lean in now pulls back. It is subtle, but unmistakable: the connection is not quite there anymore.
Last week, we explored the signs that rapport has ruptured. This week, we focus on what matters most: how to respond when it does.
The reality is that rapport will break.
Even in the healthiest teams. Even with the best intentions.
The question is NOT whether it happens, it is whether you notice it, and whether you care enough to repair it.
Start by noticing and naming it
It takes presence to realise that something is off. Most people feel it but move on.
Leaders who are emotionally attuned pause. They notice the slight withdrawal, the tighter tone, the shift in rhythm.
And they do not explain it away.
They name it. Gently.
“It feels like something shifted between us; would you like to talk about it?”
“I noticed a different energy in our last conversation. Did I miss something?”
This is NOT about digging for drama. It is about signalling that you care. That you are paying attention. And that connection matters more than comfort.
Take responsibility for your impact
Leadership is not about being perfect, far from it. It is about being responsible, especially for how your words and actions are perceived.
You do not need to know exactly what went wrong. And you do not have to agree with how the other person felt. But you can still take ownership of your part.
“I realise I might have come across as dismissive. That was not my intention, and I see how it could have felt that way.”
That kind of self-awareness creates safety. It makes room for honesty without blame. And it signals that you are not here to protect your ego; you are here to protect the relationship.
Of course, assuming you care about the relationship. But you would not be reading this if you didn’t, so onwards.
If this part feels uncomfortable (especially when you don’t believe you “did” anything), try softening into it. Say,
“I’m not sure if I got this right so can I check something with you?”
It opens the door without forcing agreement. It also lets the other person feel heard before they feel judged.
Make it easy to talk
Once rapport is broken, people often become quiet. They do not want to make things worse. They wait to see if you notice. And when you do, the way you invite them back in matters.
Skip the corporate scripts. Ask something real. Then listen, without fixing.
“What has been on your mind since that meeting?”
“How did that decision land with you?”
“What would have made that conversation feel better for you?”
Then…just…wait. You might feel the urge to explain, smooth it over, or lighten the mood.
Resist the urge. Let the silence stretch a little. Let their truth land. People need space to step back in on their own terms.
The goal is NOT to control the outcome (I get it, hard for some leaders!). The intention is to re-open the channel.
And no, this is not about “managing” the moment. It is about making it safe to be human again.
Regulate before you repair
When tension is high or feedback is hard to hear, your nervous system might want to defend, explain, or shut down.
This is where leadership truly takes effect. Before you repair rapport, regulate your own response. Breathe. Stay present. Drop the performance.
Notice your own signals: a clenched jaw, fast speech, holding your breath. These are your cues to pause. To bring yourself back before trying to bring someone else back.
People do not need perfection from you. They need your calm.
Your tone, your posture, your pacing, they all carry messages. If you can stay grounded, you give others permission to do the same.
Repair with actions
Words matter. But actions matter more.
If rapport has broken because someone felt dismissed, it is not enough to say “I hear you.” Show it by making space for them next time. Better yet, offer that space proactively, without waiting for them to claim it.
If someone felt left out, follow up and include them more visibly. Invite them early to the next discussion. Make room for their input when it actually shapes the outcome.
Real repair is behavioural.
It is visible over time. And it does not require a dramatic comeback; just consistent care.
You know this and I know this. How many times has someone apologised to us and yet continued to do the same “wrong” thing again and again? Do we believe them? No. It is no different when we do it. Consistency matters.
And of course, you do not need to “announce” that you are fixing things. Just be someone who shows up differently.
Some relationships will not bounce back, and that is ok
Not every rupture leads to reconnection. And no, that does not make you a “bad” or ineffective leader. It just makes you human.
Sometimes people hold on to resentment. Sometimes trust takes longer than you would like to rebuild. Sometimes the timing is just not right.
Your job is not to force closeness (it just will not work). It is to leave the door open without resentment.
Keep showing up with integrity anyway. Rapport is always a two-way street, and leaders pave the road first.
As a leader, there is a lot of pressure already on you. And so, no, you do not have to get it all right the first time. You just have to be willing to notice when something is off and care enough to try again.
Ruptures happen. Repair is a choice.
And every time you choose it, you make connection stronger than comfort. And that is the real work of rapport and the real work of leadership.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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