We’ve all had them. The people who make your day longer, your energy lower, and your patience thinner than you thought possible. The ones who somehow suck the colour out of a meeting without even trying.
And yet… we still have to show up. Like the professional we are, and the leader we want to be, even in difficult times.
I don’t know about you, but right now, I’m pissed. Pissed that I have to navigate personalities that feel unnecessarily difficult. Pissed that I have to expend energy managing nonsense I didn’t ask for. But here’s the thing: unless you work in a cave or on a deserted island, dealing with people is part of life.
So what do you do? How do you survive, and maybe even thrive, when your environment is peppered with people who seem to exist solely to test your patience?
I’ve noticed, in myself and in leaders I work with, that the instinct is often the same: fight, get frustrated, or retreat. None of these strategies really work. They drain energy, make you bitter, and rarely change the other person. Instead, here are some practical ways I have learned to navigate the nonsense without losing respect for myself:
Name it, don’t personalise it
Recognise the behaviour for what it is: difficult, challenging, maybe even toxic. Don’t make it about you – it rarely is. Someone being aggressive, controlling, or passive-aggressive is not a reflection of your competence or worth. Naming it internally, something like, “that’s a shit head move, not a reflection on me”, creates a little emotional distance that is surprisingly powerful.
Manage your energy, not theirs
You can’t change them, and you will NOT change them, but you can change how you respond. Pick your battles. Don’t escalate every comment or micromanage every interaction. Decide where it matters and where it doesn’t. Protecting your energy is not a weakness; it is smart survival. As the saying goes, getting angry is like drinking poison and hoping the other person expires.
Curiosity as your secret weapon
Sometimes, difficult people are difficult because they are stuck in their own patterns, pressures, or insecurities. Asking questions, seeking to understand, even silently, can transform irritation into insight. It doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it changes how you interact with it. Someone has to be the adult here. Maybe it is you?
Set boundaries early and clearly
Difficult people tend to push limits. Decide what behaviour you will and won’t accept. Communicate boundaries politely but firmly. And then enforce them consistently. This isn’t confrontation, it is protecting your sanity and a little bit of your self-respect.
Reflect, don’t ruminate
After a rough interaction, don’t stew on it. Take five minutes (or five hours, if you need!) to reflect: What can I control here? What’s mine to deal with? What is theirs?
Reflection gives you clarity; rumination gives them power over your mood.
And my advice? Screw that.
Know when to let go
Sometimes, despite all your patience and skill, the person is not going to change their behaviour. And while it is not okay, it is also okay. Why? Because you cannot control them, but you can control your engagement. Delegation, escalation, or even stepping away are all valid. You don’t have to win every battle to survive and succeed.
I remember a moment (ok, many moments, but we don’t have the time!) in my own career when a colleague’s behaviour drove me up the wall. Every interaction felt like a trap, and every meeting drained me. At first, I tried to fix, to control the chaos, to make them see reason. It didn’t work. Then I shifted my approach: I focused on what I could control, protected my energy, and applied the strategies above. Not only did my stress decrease, but I also found new ways to get work done more effectively, and even discovered a bit of patience I didn’t know I had. Win 😊
Here’s the reality: we’re always going to run into difficult people at work. Sometimes a lot of them. Sometimes all at once. And that’s frustrating. But we don’t have to let it ruin our week, our motivation, or our confidence. By observing, managing your energy, and choosing how you show up, you reclaim control over your experience, regardless of what anyone else does.
Next time you feel that familiar irritation, take a breath. Notice the behaviour. Protect your energy. Ask a question. Set a boundary. And remember: you are not alone, and you do NOT have to let anyone else steal your colour.
And last thought: some people are naturally difficult. But let’s not forget, we all have moments where we are the “difficult person” in someone else’s day. Noticing that, and owning it when we slip, is part of being human. It doesn’t make us perfect, but it does keep us grounded, and maybe just a little bit kinder and gentler on each other.
As always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
Share this post