Last week, I wrote about the people who drain our energy, the ones who leave us feeling deflated after every interaction. It struck a chord with many of you, probably because we have all been there. But as I closed off last week’s article, sometimes we are also the one who is the leak.
So this week, I find myself looking in the mirror and asking the tougher question: What if, sometimes, I am the one draining my own energy?
It is not an easy thing to admit.
We would rather believe it is everyone else. The demanding colleague, the endless meetings, the emotional load of managing people, clients, or family.
But some of our biggest energy leaks come from within: the stories we replay, the self-doubt we entertain, and the unnecessary pressure we pile on ourselves. Have you felt that?
My recent spiral – when the mind takes over
A few weeks ago, I caught myself spiralling about a business decision I was making. I had already decided to go ahead with it, yet my mind kept spinning: What if I made the wrong call? What if this doesn’t bring the result I expect? What if no one wants this???
It is that classic overthinking loop, the one that feels productive but really drains you. I could feel my body tightening, my energy dipping, my focus scattered. I was going in places I didn’t want to go.
Then, I remembered something I had heard from Swami Ashanaya, and I am paraphrasing her: “ Mistakes are simply decisions that will not bring the positive results we thought they would bring.”
And that made all the difference. It landed for me. Because she didn’t call them wrong decisions, just decisions that teach us something different from what we expected.
That small reframe helped me breathe again. I reminded myself: You made the best decision you could with what you knew. It is a mantra that I have used for many years. We make the best decisions we can with the data that we have at that moment in time. The rest will unfold as it needs to.
In that moment, I stopped being my own energy leak. I was not overrun by fear or doubt anymore. I just returned to the present and trusted the process that I was in. My process.
When I left corporate, the big leak that became liberation
This is not new territory for me. I remember when I left my last corporate role: a big, high-visibility, and stable job. People assumed I had a clear next step lined up. When someone asked what I was doing next, I said honestly, “I don’t know exactly yet, but I will figure it out.”
The look I got in return was pure disbelief. As if not knowing was somehow irresponsible or risky. But in truth, I felt strangely calm. Excited, even. Because for the first time in a long time, I was giving myself permission not to have all the answers.
It took me a moment to realise that their incredulous reaction was not about me. It was about them: their need for certainty, control, and predictability.
And that is when I saw it clearly: how much energy I had been leaking over the years trying to meet other people’s expectations.
That moment, of standing there, not knowing but trusting, was when I stopped outsourcing my sense of safety. It is also when I continued the inner work of change.
How we drain ourselves without realising it
Energy leaks do not always show up as exhaustion or burnout. Sometimes they show up as:
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Replaying old conversations trying to “fix” them in your head
- Second-guessing yourself even when you know your truth
- Trying to keep everyone happy (which, spoiler alert, never works)
And for many of us, who might process information, emotion, or stimulation differently, energy leaks can look like constant masking, sensory overload, or the mental fatigue of having to adapt to environments not designed with us in mind.
These are not “flaws” to fix. They are signals from our system, subtle reminders that we have drifted too far from what is natural for us.
From a coaching lens, you could say these are patterns running in the background, old programs written by past experiences, beliefs, or social conditioning.
The moment you notice them, you have already taken the first step toward rewriting them.
Awareness disrupts the autopilot.
Energy management as self-leadership
I often say that leadership is less about managing people and is becoming more and more about managing your own state. Why? Because when your internal energy is fragmented, even the best strategies just will not land. I have learned this lesson the hard way: we cannot lead others from a depleted place.
For me, managing energy now means checking in, not checking out. It means asking:
- Where am I leaking energy right now?
- Is this thought helping or hindering me?
- Is this fear real, or just familiar?
- What do I want to do about it?
Most of the time, energy leaks come from resisting what is happening and clinging to the idea of certainty in an uncertain world. Life does not promise certainty, only movement, feedback, and evolution. The more we fight that, the more energy we waste. And when we stop fighting that, we conserve a lot of energy to put towards things that do matter.
Noticing is the first step to reclaiming
So, if you have been feeling drained lately (especially as we head into the last quarter of the calendar year), not just by people, but by yourself, pause. Notice what is really pulling your energy. You might be surprised to find it is not the external chaos but the internal dialogue that is tiring you out. And if it is outside of yourself, bring it back to what you can control and recentre yourself.
The good news? You can change that. Not by becoming someone else, but by coming home to yourself.
That is the work I am most interested in these days: understanding how we change from the inside out, not by pushing harder, but by paying attention.
Ultimately, I know that the moment you start noticing where your energy is leaking, you have already begun to reclaim it. And that is where the real change begins.
As always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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