Every leader I meet wants a team that tells them the truth.
They say it in different ways: I want people to challenge me. I want to know what is really going on. I don’t want to be the last to hear it.
They mean it, too. It is not a line.
But… here is what I hear when we dig deeper.
The same leader will spend the whole week saying fine when they are not. Projecting a certainty they do not have. Deciding, quietly and continuously, which parts of their own reality are appropriate to share at work.
And then wondering why nobody tells them anything.
There is a scale I use. Ask someone how hard their situation is, one to ten, and most people say six. Not because six is accurate, but because six is the number that doesn’t invite a fuss.
Your team is giving you sixes all week. You taught them to.
We are asking for something we are not offering our own people.
Most leaders cannot see it, because the pretending has been running so long it stopped feeling like a choice. It is just how you show up. It is professionalism. It is not burdening people. It is holding the room steady. Keeping the even keel that you have become known for.
But your team is reading you very, very carefully, and they have drawn a conclusion.
If you have never once said I am not sure about this, they know what kind of space you hold. So, they bring you finished things. All the other stuff? The half-formed worry goes to someone else. The real conversations happen after the meetings, and the bad news arrives late, and now everyone is scrambling.
You are still making the calls. Sure, you are. Perhaps you might want to consider that you are just making them on a version of reality that has been cleaned up on the way in.
That is not a courage problem, and it is not an accusation. It is just not solved by being more open. It is simpler than that.
People match what they are shown.
So, if you want the truth from them, the question is not how to ask for it better.
It is what you are still not saying.
So here is the smallest possible experiment.
One time this week, in a room where you would normally hold the line, say the true thing. Just something like “that did not go the way I wanted.” One small thing. Just that.
Then say nothing else and watch what happens in the room.
My guess is that someone will match it within about a minute, and it will be the most useful minute of your week.
As always, if you invest in yourself, and your team, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
