Last week, I wrote about self-trust, not confidence or charisma, but the quieter, more essential ability to trust your own judgment when things get messy.
But self-trust is not the end of the story. In leadership, it is only the beginning.
Because trust does not stop at you. It radiates. What you believe about yourself, how grounded you are in your own decisions, that is what others start to feel.
And if you want your team to trust you, they need to see that you trust yourself first. But then? Then you need to do the work to build it with them.
That is where the next challenge is.
Trust is not a job title
We often assume leadership comes with trust baked in. “I am the team leader now, so they will trust me.”
Rookie mistake.
Trust does not arrive with a new title. It is not a perk of the job. And it is definitely not a one-time transaction.
Trust is earned, over and over again, in the smallest, often invisible ways.
And here is a pro tip: the more senior you are, the fewer people will tell you when trust is starting to wear thin.
By the way, assume that I am always talking about organisations and companies, and not Defence forces or other organisations where trust is baked in from day one to ensure the unit’s success.
The trust equation
There is a model I often come back to from The Trusted Advisor (link to a short explainer) by David H. Maister, Charles H. Green, and Robert M. Galford. It breaks trust down into four parts:
Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) ÷ Self-Orientation
Here is what that means:
- Credibility: Are you competent? Do people trust your knowledge and judgment?
- Reliability: Do you do what you say you will do?
- Intimacy: Do people feel safe with you? Can they speak honestly?
- Self-orientation: Are you focused on your own agenda, or theirs? Or as the authors explain, self-obsession.
That last part is often what breaks trust quietly: the sense that it is really about you. Your career, your reputation, your image. If your team picks that up, even subtly, they will shrink back.
This is a good model to return to or reorient yourself to when trust is being built, eroded, or needs to be fortified.
How to build trust with others (even when it is hard)
Trust can feel complex, emotional, situational, and fragile. And it is. But it can also be surprisingly simple.
I am not trying to fill every gap where trust might be lacking. That is not possible without understanding context. What I am doing is highlighting a few practical things leaders can do to fortify trust, first with themselves, and then with their teams. They are practices. And they will stretch you, especially if you think you already have trust nailed.
Reveal your real thinking process, not just the polished answer
It is easy to sound decisive after the fact. But trust grows when you show how you arrived at a decision, especially when the answer is not obvious.
Try saying: “Here is what I was weighing. Here is where I was unsure. Here is why I made this call.”
This kind of transparency builds intimacy and credibility, and shows your team how to think, not just what to do.
Admit when you are protecting yourself, and change course
Sometimes we avoid a conversation, delay a decision, or hide behind process because we are afraid. The challenge is what you do when you notice that. So the moment you notice you are playing small to protect your image or avoid discomfort, call it out. Not necessarily to the whole team, but to yourself, or someone you trust. Sometimes verbalising it, even to yourself, removes the weight of it and allows you to bring clearer thinking.
And really, nothing builds trust like a leader who is willing to interrupt their own ego in service of the team.
Invite challenge, but do not make people pay for it
We all say we want honest feedback. Fewer of us actually reward it.
Make it safe for people to disagree with you. Publicly thank the person who challenged your thinking. Show what you did with their input. If your team feels they can disagree without being punished or sidelined, you have just created one of the rarest things in leadership: real trust.
Practice a neutral face. I am still working on it, even after all these years. Why? Because people almost always misread your expression. When I am taking in feedback, I slip into deep-thinker mode, but apparently, my face says “distress” or “anger.” Would I make a good poker player? Absolutely not.
Anyway, what I have learned (the hard way) is that as a leader, your expression often speaks louder than your words. That is why mastering the neutral face matters. And practice makes perfect.
Be relentlessly consistent on the small things
You do not need big vision speeches. Some people are better at them than others, but charisma can only take you so far. You need to show up the same way, over time. Do you cancel one-on-ones when you are busy? Do you react emotionally to bad news? Do you keep promises you made in passing?
The tiniest inconsistencies are what erode trust fastest. People are always watching, not because they are judging you, but because they want to feel safe. It is always about them.
Say “I got it wrong” before someone else has to point it out
This is not weakness. It is leadership. And yes, it is hard. Our egos can be fragile, but if you are a leader, you must learn to tame it. To become antifragile as Nassim Taleb calls it.
Owning a misstep before it becomes a problem does two things:
-> It makes it easier for your team to do the same.
-> It signals that outcomes matter more than image.
Trust is never about being flawless. It is about being real (i.e. human), accountable, and willing to course-correct.
From internal to external: why the work continues
So yes, trust starts with you, just as I shared last week. But it does not end there.
Self-trust is the inner anchor. Building trust with others is the next stretch, and it is where leadership truly begins to flourish.
Trust is not a title, a trait, or a tick-box exercise. It is how you move, every day, in ways that signal safety, consistency, and shared purpose.
Not perfect, but human. Not polished, but clear. Not above your team, but alongside them.
That is the kind of trust people remember.
Because in the end, trust is not a strategy or a slogan. It is how you show up when no one is clapping.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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