For my first post for 2024, I thought I would write about something that I have been reflecting on for quite some time and is something I think some of us struggle with more than others. Something that might seem counterintuitive in a world that often celebrates the word “yes” and the “hustle” like it is a badge of honour. After many years and much experience, I have reached the conclusion that if we want success and happiness in our personal and professional lives, then we need to learn and hone the art of the incredible power of saying NO.
Now, I am not advocating becoming a hermit or to shut ourselves off from new opportunities or to just be belligerent. Saying no is not about being negative or closed-minded; it is about setting boundaries, prioritising your well-being, and reclaiming control over your life. If done right and with the right intentions, it is a game-changer.
So, why do we need to embrace the art of saying no? Here are a few of my reasons and why saying NO more often works for me.
Preserves time and energy
Picture this: you have a packed schedule, deadlines looming, and perhaps barely enough time to catch your breath. Suddenly, someone asks you to take on another project, attend another event, or help with something that is not your responsibility. In the past, you might have reluctantly said yes, only to feel overwhelmed and drained. Has that happened to you? I know it has happened to me. It’s not a nice place to be in.
But here’s the thing: when you say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or values, you free up precious time and energy for the things that truly matter to you. Whether it is spending quality time with loved ones, pursuing your passions, or simply practising self-care, saying no allows you to focus on what brings you joy and fulfilment.
Sets healthy boundaries
Boundaries are like the invisible fences that define where we end, and others begin. They are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting our mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries are set by us. However, many of us struggle to set boundaries out of fear of disappointing others or being seen as selfish.
Saying no is a powerful way to establish and reinforce our boundaries. It communicates to others that you respect yourself and your limits and teaches them how to respect you in return. Plus, when you prioritise your own needs and boundaries, you become better equipped to show up fully for the people and activities that truly matter to you.
Fosters authenticity and self-expression
Have you ever said yes to something when you wanted to say no, simply because you did not want to rock the boat or hurt someone’s feelings? Yeah, we have ALL been there. The truth is, when we suppress our true thoughts and feelings to please others, we sacrifice our authenticity and rob ourselves of the opportunity for genuine connection. I also think we lose just that little bit of respect for ourselves. And nothing erodes confidence like not honouring ourselves.
By embracing the power of saying no, you honour your own truth and authenticity. You permit yourself to speak up for what you believe in, express your needs and desires, and live in alignment with your values. And here is the beautiful part: when you show up as your authentic self, you attract people and opportunities that resonate with who you truly are.
Reduces stress and overwhelm
Let’s face it: trying to do it all and be everything to everyone is a recipe for burnout. Saying yes to every request that comes your way might make you feel like you are being productive, helpful, and perhaps even wanted, but it can also leave you feeling stretched thin and utterly exhausted. I have been there, and I have visited that place. It is not a nice place.
Learning to say no, when necessary, can be incredibly liberating. It relieves the pressure to please others constantly and allows you to take back control of your schedule and priorities. As a result, you experience less stress, greater peace of mind, and a renewed sense of balance in your life. Yes, it really is that simple!
Encourages growth and self-discovery
When you consciously decide to say no to things that no longer serve you, you create space for new opportunities and experiences to enter your life. Whether it is saying no to a toxic relationship, a draining job, or a commitment that no longer aligns with your goals, each no opens the door to something better. I have so many examples in my life where I said no to something, and a better opportunity came along. Or said no to a client and had two new clients come to me that better align with my values. Yes, the discomfort of saying no to a client (the horror) is HARD. However, you do learn a lot about yourself, what you value and where your priorities are when you say no. And you know what is harder? Working or being with someone without alignment, boundaries, or respect. So, pick your hard.
I have learned, that saying no encourages self-reflection and self-discovery. It prompts you to examine your values, priorities, and goals and to make choices that align with your most authentic self. As you become more discerning about where you invest your time and energy, you will grow and evolve in ways you never thought possible.
How to say no (politely!)
So, by now, I hope my reasons have resonated with you. The next question might be, ok, great, but HOW to say no?
Some of you might be perpetual Yes people (no judgement) and kind of find it hard to say no. I am including a list of polite ways of saying no to get you started. It is not the definitive list, and the intention is to be genuine. I know in the past, I struggled with the best way to say no and still be me, so the list has helped train me. I had not looked at it for quite some time, and it probably needs a bit of updating, so feel free to add your version of No in the comments. Please do remember to be authentic to yourself. There is no need to lie or to explain yourself (unless you feel it needs explaining. You are in the driver seat of the No train!).
Please take what works for you and disregard the rest. Saying no is a personal expression of you. Remembering of course, that just saying NO is a complete sentence.
Final thoughts
Saying no is not about being closed-off, negative or avoidant; it is about honouring yourself, setting boundaries, and living authentically. So go ahead and enjoy the freedom of setting boundaries by saying no. And like all good things, it will become easier with practice.
And there you have it, some of the benefits and power of saying no, plus a list of phrases to get you started. Let me know how it goes for you. For those who are inclined to share, what has worked for you in your journey of embracing the power of saying No?
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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