Most people think they are honest with themselves. They are not.
Radical self-honesty is not just about avoiding lies. It is about cutting through the comfortable narratives we tell ourselves. It is about looking at yourself without filters, without excuses, and without letting your ego soften the blow.
And if that sounds uncomfortable, it should.
But here is the thing I know and I have learned: The leaders who are willing to be radically honest with themselves are the ones who grow, adapt, and make the best decisions.
Everyone else? They stay stuck in cycles of avoidance, bad choices, and wasted potential.
What radical self-honesty means
This is NOT about self-criticism or tearing yourself down. It is NOT about being harsh. It is about being real.
The word “radical” comes from the Latin radix, meaning root. Radical self-honesty is not just surface-level reflection. It is about getting to the root of your motivations, decisions, and blind spots. It means stripping away the convenient narratives and facing what is actually there. Without distortion.
It is asking yourself:
- Am I really leading, or just keeping the status quo alive?
- Am I making decisions based on what is right, or what is easy?
- Do I actually want this role, or just the title and validation?
- Am I avoiding a difficult conversation because it is unnecessary, or because I don’t want to deal with the discomfort?
Most people do NOT practice being radically honest with themselves because the truth can be inconvenient. It can mean facing flaws, changing course, or admitting that something is not working. But the cost of avoidance is far worse.
The cost of avoiding self-honesty
Every time you avoid self-honesty, you pay for it.
- You stay stuck in the wrong career, wrong company, wrong role. You keep telling yourself, “It’s not that bad.” But if you were honest? You would admit it is draining the life out of you.
- You make bad leadership decisions. If you cannot be honest about why something is not working, you will keep doubling down on bad strategies.
- You let fake thoughts take over. The irony? The more you avoid facing your strengths and weaknesses objectively, the more you feel like a fraud.
- You burn out trying to prove something that does not even matter. If you are not honest about what actually drives you, you will chase things that ultimately leave you unfulfilled.
Leaders who lack self-honesty are not “bad” leaders; far from it. They are leaders with blind spots. And blind spots are dangerous. And can derail a leader faster than a missed turn on a winding mountain road.
What radical self-honesty looks like in leadership
Great leadership is about being aware and not about being perfect.
Here is what radical self-honesty looks like in action:
You call yourself out. Before someone else has to.
If something is not working, you do NOT wait for a crisis to force a reckoning. You own it first.
- I’ve been avoiding this decision because it’s hard.
- I keep saying I don’t have time, but I just haven’t prioritised it.
- I’m frustrated with my team, but I haven’t actually set clear expectations.
That level of awareness prevents problems and builds trust. When people see you holding yourself accountable, they respect you more, not less.
You separate your ego from reality
Your ego will always try to protect you. It will tell you that you are right, that the problem is external, that you can stay the same and not change. Radical self-honesty means stepping outside of that.
- Is this truly a bad idea, or am I just resisting it because I didn’t come up with it?
- Did that feedback sting because it was unfair, or because it was true?
- Am I saying no because it’s the right call, or because I’m afraid I’ll fail?
When you can separate your identity from the situation, you make better calls. Period.
You get brutally clear on what you want
A lot of people waste years climbing ladders they do not even want to be on. Why? Because they were not honest about what actually matters to them or lacked the experience and then felt stuck. Radical self-honesty can bring clarity. It is never late. If you are starting out or redirecting, some questions to think about:
- Do I really want this promotion, or do I just feel like I should want it?
- Am I still inspired by this role, or am I just comfortable?
- Would I make this decision if I wasn’t worried about what people would think?
When you are clear on what you actually want, and not what looks good on paper, not what other people expect, you start making decisions that are aligned, not forced.
How to practice radical self-honesty
This is not a one-time exercise. It is a skill. And Seth Godin would say, it is a practice.
So, here is how you start:
Ask yourself harder questions
Stop asking surface-level questions like “What’s the next step?” Start asking questions that actually challenge your thinking:
- If I were starting over today, would I still choose this?
- What excuse do I keep making that I know isn’t true?
- What’s one uncomfortable truth I’ve been avoiding?
Find people who will tell you the truth
I know, sounds like a bad take on the famous line in the movie A Few Good Men, but really you can handle the truth. So, surround yourself with people who will be honest with you, not just agreeable/tell you what you want to hear. A trusted peer, a mentor, or a coach who knows how to challenge you without tearing you down.
Stop performing, start leading
If you are spending energy maintaining an image, you are wasting energy that could be used for actual leadership. Drop the act. Be the leader who says:
- I got that wrong. Let’s adjust.
- I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out.
- This isn’t working. Let’s change course.
That kind of leadership is real, magnetic, and respected. Truly it is. I know it feels hard to believe that in the current examples we are seeing, but think of all the great and effective leaders out there doing what they need to do, rather than the rotten bad examples we are seeing.
My own journey with radical self-honesty
In my coaching work, I see this many times over. Leaders who are stuck, frustrated, or exhausted because they are avoiding some hard truths. They think they are being honest with themselves, but when we dig deeper, we find the blind spots, the justifications, the comfortable half-truths that keep them playing small.
I know this pattern well because I have had to do the work on myself, too. Radical self-honesty is not something I just talk about, it is something I practice. And let me tell you, it not always easy. I have had to ask myself the tough questions and take on the tough actions. And it helps that I have teenagers. Ok, joking. Not. I have peers, mentors and a coach who helps me stay honest with me.
The more I practice self-honesty, the clearer and stronger my leadership becomes and the clearer my decisions are.
And it is not about being fearless or always getting it right – far from it.
It really is about having the awareness and courage to own my truth and act on it. Especially when it feels uncomfortable.
What if organisations and countries practiced radical self-honesty?
Imagine if organisations, and really, entire countries, practiced radical self-honesty.
If they stopped hiding behind bureaucracy, dysfunctional culture, and outdated narratives and instead confronted their real weaknesses, blind spots, and mistakes.
I think decisions would be made based on truth, not optics.
Leaders would not cling to failing strategies out of pride. Resources would not be wasted propping up illusions. Progress would not be stalled by the refusal to admit what is broken. A company that owns its flaws can innovate; a country that acknowledges its failures can rebuild. Without self-honesty, both remain stuck, repeating history instead of shaping the future. The same holds for strengths. This is not about highlighting the “negatives”, this is about what being radically honest is: being honest about the whole system.
But back to you….my simple observation is this: No one else will do this for you
Radical self-honesty is not easy. It is however necessary. No one is going to pull you aside and force you to look at yourself more clearly. That is on you.
So, if something in your career, job or your leadership, feels off, ask yourself:
“What am I pretending not to know?”
Because once you answer that honestly? That is where real leadership begins.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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