In this week’s blog post, I am exploring a dilemma some of us will face at some point in our professional leadership journey: when our leadership style diverges from the vision of the leader we aspire to be. What to do? The following are some of the tips I have learned when I have veered off the path, inadvertently, and how to realign and readjust.
The gulf between aspiration and reality
When you find yourself in a leadership role, but as you look in the mirror of self-reflection, you realise that the leader staring back at you does not quite match the vision you hold dear. Perhaps your current leadership style leans towards authoritarianism when you long to lead with empathy and collaboration. Or maybe you default to micromanagement when your ideal leadership style embraces trust and autonomy. Remember that I do not believe there is a “wrong” or “right” leadership style in this no-judgment zone. I do believe, though, that there is an effective and less effective leadership style.
In any case, whatever it is, it gnaws at you as you feel the dissonance between what you are doing as a leader and who you want to be as a leader. The gap between who we are and who we long to be can feel like a gaping chasm, casting doubt on our identity as leaders and perhaps our purpose.
One of the things I learned in my personal development journey is that the struggle for authenticity is the ultimate quest to align our actions with our deepest values and aspirations. And it needs to happen daily. It is not a one-off pursuit. As so is navigating the murky waters of self-discovery and self-expression in the context of leadership, it can be a journey with many challenges but with the ultimate reward of “finding who you are as a leader”.
Embracing the journey of self-discovery
Like all journeys, it starts with the first step. Having faced this myself—where I started not liking the kind of leader I was veering towards—I can tell you that embracing the journey of self-discovery with courage, compassion, and curiosity and allowing yourself the grace to explore the depths of your leadership psyche is a critical step that will serve you well. Reflect on your values, strengths, and areas of derailment, and consider how they shape your approach to leadership. Humanosity blog has many articles dealing with leadership, and you might want to start with your values.
Courageous conversations and vulnerable reflections
If you accept the invitation to navigate this introspective journey, follow it up with courageous conversations and vulnerable reflections. Engage in open dialogue with trusted mentors, peers, and team members, seeking feedback and insights into your leadership style. Ask specific questions about what in your environment brings out the shadow side of a leadership style that does not serve you. As leaders, we must embrace constructive criticism with humility, recognising that it is through constructive feedback that we grow and evolve as leaders. I get it. It is hard. I am not preaching as I find it confronting myself. However, I know that nothing shakes us better than authentic, trusted feedback on something we might not see ourselves. Check out the JOHARI article here for more insight on why this is important.
Mindful intentionality in action
Armed with newfound insights and self-awareness (and hopefully acknowledgement), take intentional steps to bridge the gap between your current leadership style and the leader you aspire to be. Cultivate mindfulness in your actions, pausing to consider the impact of your decisions on those around you. Take a breath and then practice the habit of active listening, which is a highly required leadership skill. If you can actively listen with your ears, heart and head, then I believe you are halfway towards understanding what needs to happen. Check out Oscar Trimboli, who works extensively in this area and on this topic.
Embracing imperfection and iterative growth
Along the way, remember to embrace the beauty of imperfection and the power of iterative growth. Like life itself, leadership is a journey of constant evolution and refinement. Allow yourself the space to stumble, falter, and learn from your mistakes, knowing that it is through adversity that we discover our true resilience and strength. If you cannot accept imperfection, you might want to consider asking yourself why not. What does imperfection (or perfection, if you prefer) say to you about yourself? And how might you want to reframe this perspective in a way that better suits you?
Final thoughts
Ultimately, dear leader, remember that authenticity lies not in conforming to a predefined “mould” of leadership but in forging your unique path forward—one that resonates deeply with your values, aspirations, and a sense of purpose. Embrace the messy, beautiful leadership journey with twists and turns, knowing that every step brings you closer to the leader you aspire to be. It’s ok to be misaligned (so please do not beat yourself over it). Recognise and acknowledge it and then take action to rectify it.
So, as you navigate the gulf between aspiration and reality in your leadership style and journey, remember this: authenticity is not a destination to be reached but a lifelong quest to be embraced. Trust your inner compass, cultivate self-awareness, and lead with courage, compassion, and conviction. In the pursuit of authenticity, we discover the true essence of leadership—the ability to inspire, empower, and uplift those around us.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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