If you have ever played a game of poker (not a game I play) or watched a detective show (Detective Columbo is a favourite of mine), you would have probably heard the term “tell.”
In poker, a tell is a subtle hint—often unconscious—that reveals what a player is thinking or feeling. It could be a slight twitch, a shift in posture, or a nervous tap of the fingers.
The reality is “tells” are not just for poker tables or crime thrillers. We all have them, whether we realise it or not.
I have always thought that in the workplace, “tells” can be incredibly revealing – those that belong to us and to others. That colleague who suddenly stops contributing in meetings, the team member who is avoiding eye contact, or even the way someone’s emails suddenly become oddly curt—all signs that something deeper might be happening. And I think as leaders, it is our job to notice the “tells”.
Of course, you, as a leader, do not have to be a mind reader, body language expert, or pattern-recognising guru. But you do need to know your team well enough to recognise their tells. And I believe if you do, you will gain another invaluable tool for connecting, addressing issues early, and creating a healthier work environment.
So, what exactly are tells, and why am I talking about them in the context of leadership, and frankly, why does it matter?
What is a “tell” and why it matters in leadership
A tell, at its simplest, is a signal. Something people unconsciously reveal about their emotions, stress levels, or mindset. While it is easy to think of tells as small, quirky behaviours people exhibit when nervous, like fidgeting or using filler words, tells are much more. Tells can manifest in subtle changes in body language, tone of voice, and even how someone interacts over email, phone or chat.
The thing about tells is that they are not esoteric or mysterious. They are part of the human experience, are happening every day, and in pretty much every interaction.
If you are so inclined and want to get better engaged with your team, suppliers or clients, then you might need to know how to tune in.
I get it is hard. So many of us are in back-to-back meetings with endless lists of things to do, people to see, and targets to hit, so it can be easy to miss the signals.
However, overlooking the “tells” can mean missing valuable opportunities to connect with your team, identify brewing issues, or simply understand how people are truly feeling.
Recognising tells: another superpower?
Being able to pick up on tells is not about becoming a human lie detector. And let’s face it, some of us have less skills in “reading” people than others.
However, as a leader, I would encourage you to learn how to become attuned to your team’s emotional and psychological well-being by creating a culture where you are genuinely curious about what your people are experiencing. Tells can be one way to open the dialogue. Remembering of course that tells are the smoke signals, not the fire.
Many leaders and observers will know this scenario: you are in a meeting, and a team member who is usually engaged and talkative has recently grown uncharacteristically quiet, not just in one meeting but in a series of them. Perhaps they have been brushing off casual check-ins or are struggling to maintain eye contact (when previously they did not). These subtle shifts might seem insignificant, but they often signal that something could be wrong.
As a leader, your job is not to jump to conclusions but to observe patterns and ask open-ended questions. It might be as simple as saying, “I have noticed you have been quieter than usual. What is on your mind?” This kind of inquiry shows that you are paying attention and care.
Respecting people’s privacy is important and I get why many leaders shy away from this line of questioning. However, I would encourage you to build a relationship with your team members and colleagues to allow the possibility of engagement. If the person chooses not to share, that is always their decision.
Examples of “common” tells in the workplace
I thought about what I had seen over my career that would be common across diverse workplaces, but of course, yours might be very different. The list is to get you started and is by no means a definitive list.
Silence or withdrawal: Someone who suddenly goes quiet during meetings, avoids speaking up, or delays responding to emails.
Changes in tone: A typically upbeat team member who starts sending curt, one-word responses or exhibits a more serious tone than usual.
Body language: Fidgeting, twitching, crossing arms, avoiding eye contact or in online meetings, leaning away from the camera, or turning the camera off more than usual.
Increased absenteeism: Frequent last-minute cancellations, late arrival (although they were punctual before), or decreased energy levels during the workday.
Of course, “tells” by themselves cannot tell you as a leader everything, but it can point to a deviation. Recognising tells requires a leader to be present and, well, observant.
Remembering of course that it is not about interrogating your team but simply paying attention to what is happening around you.
How to tune in as a leader
So by now, you might be thinking, how can you become more attuned to these signals? Besides knowing your people, here are a few practical steps:
Be present and focused in interactions
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to pick up on tells is to be fully present during conversations. This means putting down your phone (yes, I know, shocking), closing out email tabs, and truly listening. People notice when you are genuinely engaged, and they are more likely to share openly – and you are more likely to see a deviation.
Observe patterns over time
A single behavior does not necessarily mean something is wrong or cause for concern. But if you notice a pattern—like someone consistently checking out of meetings or a drop in enthusiasm—that is when you do need to pay closer attention. Consistent tells can indicate a deeper issue that needs addressing.
Create a safe space for honest conversations
I know this is hard for some leaders, but for your team to feel comfortable sharing what is really going on, they need to trust that it is safe to do so. That you as a leader will not use it against them or throw it back in their face.
One way of building trust is for leaders to show vulnerability and model openness themselves and therefore create a culture where it is okay to admit when all is not well. It might be as simple as saying, “I have been feeling a bit off this week; how about you?” or some version that works for you.
Ask open-ended questions
I have gone on about this before, and I do so again, as asking questions is a great tool for managers to use when in doubt (read last week’s blog post for why). Instead of assuming, ask questions like “How are you feeling about the workload right now?” or “Is there anything we can adjust to make things smoother for you?”. Often, people just need permission to share what is on their minds.
A caveat: please do not ask questions when you are not prepared to be genuinely open to working through the issues raised. The “I am here to help” School of Management went out in the late 2000s.
Understanding your own tells as a leader
You didn’t think I wouldn’t come to this, did you? Of course, all leaders have a tell as well. We are human. So, while it is easy to focus on the tells of those around us, you must consider your own.
As leaders, we are not immune to the stresses and uncertainties of work—and yes, our tells will show up most in those times. Whether it is clenching your jaw during tense conversations, crossing your arms when feeling defensive, or rapidly checking your phone when stressed, your team is likely picking up on these cues.
So, if it is part of being human, why does this matter? As a leader, you set the tone or, as someone once told me, “As a leader, you set the weather for your team”. If your team sees you projecting stress, they will often mirror that energy or start making up stories about what might be going on.
Being aware of your own tells not only helps you manage your stress but also prevents inadvertently creating an anxious environment for your team.
So here are my tips for uncovering and managing your own tells.
Self-reflection and feedback: Take time to reflect on how you react in stressful situations and what might show up when you are stressed. Even better yet, ask a trusted colleague for feedback on your tells—they may notice things you don’t. Otherwise, ask your team. They will be more than happy to tell you!
Be transparent: When you are having an off day, it is okay to be honest with your team. Saying, “I am feeling a bit overwhelmed today, so I might be quieter than usual,” can humanise you and build trust. Please be doubly aware of this when there are other things happening in the company/agency, such as layoffs or changes in leadership. If you deviate from your usual pattern as a leader during these times, and your “tells” go into overdrive, your team will read way more into it than you intended.
Another caveat: I often get asked whether questioning and querying people’s emotional state might come across as micromanaging, invasive or overbearing. I do stress to leaders that your team cannot constantly feel like they are being scrutinised for every little “tell” or gesture. This is not about putting people under a constant magnifying glass! This is about being more attuned to your team so that you can better support them. Nothing less. Nothing more. The key is to approach this with a spirit of empathy and curiosity rather than control.
Understanding and noticing “tells” is not about turning yourself into a detective or expecting perfection from your team. Far from it. It is about being present, tuning in, and genuinely caring as a leader.
I come at this from a place where I see leadership as about responsibility and connection. By recognising the unspoken signals your team members are sending, you can build deeper relationships, address problems before they escalate, and create a more supportive, resilient work environment.
So, take a moment this week to reflect: What are your team member’s “tells”? And how well do you understand your own?
Being an effective leader is not about knowing all the answers but being present enough to ask the right questions because you cared enough to notice.
Unless you are skeptical about the concept of “tells” (and do share if you are), was there a moment when recognising a “tell” helped you better understand a team member, a client or a situation?
And as always, if you invest in yourself, and the people around you, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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