I don’t really like networking. What can I do?

Ah, networking. So hated by many. The small talk. Sometimes with not-so-good food and mediocre drinks. The business cards that are wasted – given and received. It can lead many of us to want to stay home and hibernate – especially during the Canberra winters.

I think that would be a mistake. Networking and attending events are essential if you want to continue to engage or need to engage with the broader professional world. And I will assume you are interested if you are reading this. Networking is an active and deliberate attempt to get to know people. It is about building relationships and connections with people where mutually beneficial value (the three most important words in networking) can be realised.

So how to get the best out of networking and face-to-face events? Here are some thoughts.


Have an agenda…and be transparent.

Go to networking events with an agenda. And if you do not like that word, substitute it with intention. Start with an agenda that attempts to answer questions you might have or explore areas you are curious about. 

An example to illustrate. Let’s say you are looking to change jobs or industries. Here are some questions you might consider before attending a networking event. 

They might be:

  • I want to know who is hiring.
  • What kind of roles are they hiring for?
  • What skills does one need for this role I am looking for?
  • What sort of experience and background would be helpful?
  • Who would know someone looking to fill a role with someone like me?

Taking those questions with you to a networking event makes it easier to have an opening conversation with someone. In full transparency, I would tell the person I am talking to that I am looking for a new job or curious about the state of the market (if I didn’t want my boss to know!), that I am doing some research, and would they be open to answering my questions about company X/industry/sector? Most people love to help, so being upfront about the agenda and asking questions gets a conversation going. It also might lead to an introduction and another connection to someone who can help.

Ok, but let’s say you don’t want anything. You want to meet interesting people and chat about their exciting things. Great. That is still an agenda. An intention. Go with that.

What’s in it for them…and how can you be of value.

The person you are talking to has probably come to the networking event looking for something – hopefully, they also have an agenda. Ask them about it. What brings them to the event, and what are they hoping to get out of attending? Is there anyone they would like to meet? How might you help with their agenda and their questions? I assure you that you have value to bring to any networking event. Any. You know things, and you know people. It doesn’t matter how old you are, your industry, or your current job. You have value to provide. What you do need is a level of curiosity about the other person. And if you can’t find mutually beneficial value at that moment, that is quite ok. It will come. Thank them for their time, and move on.

Bring a friend…and learn together.

If possible, bring a friend (preferably a woman, as women tend to be in short supply, especially at most male-dominated events). Bringing a friend does a couple of things. First, it allows your friend to network themselves and adds diversity to the attendance pool. Secondly, it allows you and your friend to exchange information after the event. If you have a shared agenda, even better. But it is not necessary. Debriefing after an event with a friend doubles the amount of learning you both receive and the number of connections you have. One question I usually ask is, “Who was the most interesting person you met tonight, and what did you learn?”. 

Choose your event…and diversify.

Enough events are happening around us that one could do breakfast, lunch, dinner and after-hour events pretty much every day of the week. If that is your thing, more power to you. For the rest of us, we need something different. To be focused, you must be clear about YOUR interests and align attendance based on that. I recommend three to five types of “events”, but that is just me. No one size fits all. If you can only attend one event, choose the one that matters the most to you for that week, month, or year! Choose one or two connected to your industry or sector. One connected to your hobby or area outside of work/industry. And one connected to your passion project (by this, I mean something you are passionate about, such as a cause or charity). And leave some space for the spontaneous events that your friend will invite you to (as per above).

Diversity in events will make it more interesting for you and takes the staleness that sometimes creeps into attending the same events with the same people ALL the time. Diversify your attendance the same way you would diversify your financial portfolio. And just like stocks in the financial market, shed those events that do not work for you regularly and attend new ones as your needs and desires change (including when you change jobs, industries, etc.).

Choose how much you will commit…and be realistic.

How much time, realistically, can you dedicate to networking? Be clear about your time investment and set up your life accordingly. No use saying you want to attend networking events twice a week, for example, if that causes stress and upsets in other areas of your life. You are better off attending one or two events where you are glad to be there and focused on giving and receiving value than rushing to attend an event because you feel “you have to”. So be realistic about the networking you will do in that week or month or if you are a long-time planner, even a year. Yes, we don’t always know the events that might be coming up, but having some boundaries, such as a quota of events one will attend, for example, helps us organise ourselves better and allows us to deliver on the commitments we make to ourselves.


Final thoughts

The above is by no means an exhaustive list on how to network effectively – can it ever be with this topic? The intention is to help you get reignited about networking if things have gone a bit stale and to give you some ideas if you are new to networking. What would you add? What has worked for you to get the most out of networking?

As always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.

Until next time.

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