In a world increasingly driven by social media, instant updates, and the perpetual need to present the best version of ourselves, the age-old adage “comparison is the thief of joy” rings truer than ever. While not new, this phenomenon has found fertile ground in modern times, affecting our personal lives, professional development, and leadership mindset in ways we might not fully recognise. Following on from last week’s post where I touched on comparison, this week, I wanted to explore why we seem to be more prone to comparison, how it negatively impacts our leadership potential, and the steps we can take to break free or at least reduce the propensity for comparison.
Let’s face it: comparison has become almost inevitable in our day-to-day. Social media platforms like Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook serve as highlight reels where people showcase their achievements, vacations, and even their seemingly “perfect” lifestyles. Scrolling through these curated feeds (with emphasis on curated), we might easily compare our behind-the-scenes struggles with others’ highlight reels. Studies show that people who frequently use social media are likelier to compare themselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. The constant exposure to others’ successes can make our achievements seem small or insignificant.
Why are we susceptible to comparison? And why does it matter for us as leaders?
Some other reasons besides social media:
Societal expectations: Society often sets high standards for success, beauty, and behaviour. From a young age, we are exposed to ideals of perfection in various areas of life including career. These societal expectations can create internal pressure to measure up, leading to constant comparison with those who seem to embody these ideals “effortlessly”.
Educational system: From school onwards, we are often placed in environments that emphasise competition. Grading systems, standardised testing, and ranking create a framework where success is defined in relative terms. This fosters a mindset where we continually measure our achievements against our peers.
Professional competition: The professional world is inherently competitive. Some job markets and sectors are saturated, and career advancement is frequently portrayed as a zero-sum game. This competitive atmosphere can make us hyper-aware of our colleagues’ successes and drive us to compare our career trajectories with theirs. Even when our life circumstances, our skills and our abilities are vastly different than theirs.
Inherent insecurity: Many people struggle with inherent insecurities that make them more prone to comparison. Low self-esteem or a lack of confidence in one’s abilities can drive individuals to seek external validation by comparing themselves to others. This behaviour can become a coping mechanism to gauge self-worth.
Cognitive biases: Our brains are wired to notice differences and changes in our environment. This evolutionary trait, once essential for survival, can lead us to compare ourselves with others constantly. Cognitive biases like the “spotlight effect” (overestimating how much others notice us) and “availability heuristic” (basing judgments on readily available information) can exacerbate this tendency.
Wealth inequality: Increased visibility of wealth inequality through various media channels can highlight the disparities in lifestyles and opportunities. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and drive people to compare their financial status and material possessions with those of others.
So maybe by now, you might be thinking, ok, great, but I know this already. What does this have to do with leadership? Well, when we allow comparison to infiltrate our minds, it does not just affect our well-being; it can also significantly impact our leadership style and mindset. Leaders are expected to be confident, visionary, and inspiring. However, when caught in the comparison trap, leaders may exhibit behaviours that undermine their effectiveness.
Some observed behaviours of leaders caught in the comparison trap:
Insecurity and self-doubt: Leaders who constantly compare themselves to others may struggle with insecurity and self-doubt. They might question their decisions, hesitate to take risks and feel threatened by the success of their peers. This lack of confidence can trickle down to their teams, leading to a lack of trust and cohesion and drive behaviours to compete that are not in the best interests of the individuals or the organisation.
Making poor choices: Effective leadership requires clear, confident decision-making. When leaders are preoccupied with how they measure up to others, their decision-making can become clouded by fear of judgment and failure. This can result in indecisiveness or overly cautious strategies that stifle innovation and progress. And may lead to loss of respect, credibility and trust by teams, bosses and Boards.
Erosion of authenticity: Authentic leadership is about being true to oneself and one’s values. Comparison can erode authenticity by pushing leaders to mimic the behaviours and strategies of others rather than developing their unique style. This affects the leader’s credibility and undermines their ability to inspire and connect with their team. Teams can smell when a leader is copying someone else or adopting a leadership style that is not theirs.
So, knowing the potential factors behind comparison and how it might impact our leadership mindset and style, what might we do to break free from the comparison trap or at least reduce the propensity to fall into it?
First and foremost, acknowledging the detrimental effects of comparison is the first step towards breaking free from its grip. Here are some other strategies to help leaders—and anyone else—overcome comparison and embrace their authentic selves.
Cultivate self-awareness: Self-awareness is crucial in recognising when and why we compare ourselves to others. By regularly reflecting on our thoughts and emotions, we can identify the triggers that lead us into the comparison trap. Practices such as meditation and journaling can help increase self-awareness and provide insights into our behaviour. The point here is to be curious about yourself and understand what is going on that makes you compare.
Focus on personal growth: Shifting our focus from external validation to personal growth can reduce the impulse to compare. Setting personal goals and celebrating small achievements can help us appreciate our progress without measuring it against others. Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and what matters most is our development. Also, remember that we need to look to progress and not perfection.
Embrace authenticity: Authenticity involves being true to our values, strengths, and passions. We can build confidence in our unique abilities by embracing who we are and what we stand for. This self-assurance makes us better leaders and reduces the need to seek validation through comparison. It also ensures we are not exploited by others who may use this as a “weakness” to beat us up with. “Well, other managers do XYZ, so how come you don’t?” is something many leaders hear early in their careers.
Limit social media consumption: I get it. This is hard. Many of us get information, news, and connections through this medium. But perhaps knowing the significant role social media plays in fostering comparison, it can be beneficial to limit our exposure. Setting boundaries around social media use, such as designated times for checking feeds or taking regular breaks, can help mitigate its impact. Curating our feeds to follow accounts that inspire and uplift rather than those that trigger comparison can also make a big difference. Also, you might consider limiting use when you know there will be a lot of posts about new jobs or promotions, such as in January or in July (in Australia, when the new financial year starts, and many people are shifting jobs). If you know that you will be triggered into comparison, it might be helpful to abstain during that period.
Practice gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful antidote to comparison and is underrated. By regularly reflecting on the things we are thankful for, we can shift our focus from what we lack to what we have. This practice can help us appreciate our unique strengths and achievements, fostering a more positive outlook. Maybe the job is not 100% right, but is it 80%, 60%, or 40%? You find the percentage that makes sense to you to appreciate. And if you hate what you are doing, change it. You are not a tree. You can move.
Seek support and mentorship: When you limit your time on social media, use the extra time in your day to talk to trusted friends, colleagues, or mentors about any struggles with comparison you may have. This can provide valuable perspective and support. Mentors, in particular, can offer guidance and reassurance and share how they have overcome this in the past. As I have said, this is not new. It is only that social media makes it more accessible for us to see 100s of people and not just the few in our organisation or city.
Celebrate others’ successes: This is not a radical idea, I know, but instead of viewing others’ successes as a threat, we can choose to celebrate them. Acknowledging and congratulating others on their achievements can help shift our mindset from competition to collaboration. Perhaps their success can be an opportunity for you to work together. Collaborate on a project or provide services. I am not saying make it about you, but having a positive approach strengthens relationships and fosters a more supportive and inclusive professional environment.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy, but it does not have to hold us captive. In today’s world, where social media and societal pressures amplify the tendency to compare, it is crucial to recognise and address this behaviour. By understanding the impact of comparison on our leadership and taking proactive steps to overcome it, we can reclaim our impact and lead with authenticity.
Remember, the journey to authentic leadership is personal and unique. Celebrate your progress, appreciate your strengths, and be kind to yourself. After all, the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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