One of my favourite poems since childhood has been Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken. It captures a universal truth: life’s paths are shaped as much by the choices we do not make as the ones we do. Frost writes, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.”
But what about the road not taken? The opportunities we passed by, the detours avoided, or even the rejections we faced—could there be gratitude in those too?
This idea is particularly relevant in leadership and personal development. Wins and achievements are easy to celebrate, but the no’s and missed opportunities often hold the keys to clarity, purpose, and growth.
This week, I wanted to shift the gratitude conversation beyond celebrating what went right (which I hope you and your team are doing) to exploring the value of what did not go as planned.
The power of ‘No’
In leadership, saying no is often a sign of clarity, not failure. Whether declining a tempting but misaligned opportunity or facing rejection from a sought-after role, each no creates space. Space for reflection. Space for alignment. Space for pursuing what truly matters.
Take missed opportunities, for example. You might have been passed over for a project that seemed perfect, only to realise later that it would have taken you away from a more meaningful path or a better opportunity. Or consider times when you have intentionally said no to preserve energy, focus, or values.
For me, the real growth comes from what happens after these experiences. What questions do we ask ourselves, and what actions do we take when the path ahead is more no than yes?
Reframing missed opportunities
Our default reaction to a missed opportunity is usually disappointment or frustration. But missed opportunities can be powerful teachers. Each one offers a chance to:
- Reassess what truly matters.
- Strengthen resilience and adaptability.
- Discover a new direction you might not have considered.
Instead of viewing them as losses, try asking yourself:
- What did I gain from this experience?
- How did this moment shape my path for the better?
Challenging the success narrative
I often reflect on the concept of success—what it is, who defines it, and how it evolves. It is tempting to say it is a personal definition (I think part of it is), but society plays a large part in the definition. And society frequently equates success with accumulation—of wins, accolades, and achievements. And while that has its place, I have realised that real growth often happens in the spaces between those wins.
How we react to missed opportunities, rejections, and wrong turns can define us just as much, if not more, than our successes. Gratitude for what did not happen reminds us that success is not just about climbing higher but about moving forward purposefully.
And how is this an essential mindset for leaders? Time and again, I have seen leaders who embrace a learning mindset inspire their teams to view challenges and setbacks with a broader perspective. This, in turn, fosters cultures of resilience and adaptability.
Of course, we can allow ourselves a moment of frustration if needed, but it is equally important to dust ourselves off and think about what not happening might have saved us from.
The “Thankful No” list
To bring this idea to life, I invite you to try a simple (but powerful) exercise:
- List the nos
Write down moments when you said no, were denied something, or redirected your focus. - Reflect on the outcome
Ask yourself:- What did this no make possible?
- How did it align with my values or long-term goals?
- Find the gratitude
Acknowledge why you are better off for the road not taken. For example, not getting a job you thought you really wanted might have saved you from a role that did not align with your values—or opened a door to something more fulfilling. Sometimes, what feels like rejection is redirection to something better.
Gratitude for what did not happen is about perspective. It is about recognising the hidden gifts in missed chances and trusting that not every path is meant for you. Leaders who can embrace this idea grow personally and model a mindset of acceptance and adaptability for their teams. And themselves.
This week, let us give thanks for the nos, the missteps, and the closed doors. They might just be the best things that never happened.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
Ps. This is part two of a five-part series (see last week’s post). If you want to keep up, please consider subscribing. Next week, we will explore challenging ourselves to think about a year without goals.
Share this post