Life is an intricate journey sometimes filled with peaks of joy and valleys of despair. During the lows of personal crises and identity struggles, we often question who we are and where we are headed. In these moments, self-discovery becomes a crucial compass, guiding us through the storm towards a more authentic and fulfilled existence. We cannot solve the outside without being clear on the inside. In this week’s blog post, I am delving into some practical actions to take when we hit a personal or identity crisis. By this, I mean when we realise what we thought we knew about ourselves or the world around us is not exactly true.
The following are some practical actions to take that have helped me. I would also recommend that you please trust yourself and what you think will work for you. So, take what works from below and discard what doesn’t. At the end of the day, we each own the design of our lives.
Understanding the root of the problem
A personal crisis and identity issues can stem from many sources – from external pressures to internal conflicts. The first step towards finding oneself in such tumultuous times is understanding the roots of the crisis. Is it triggered by societal expectations, personal failures, or an accumulation of life’s uncertainties? Is it a temporary situation (losing a job or getting divorced for example) or fundamental (your values no longer align or what you knew about yourself is no longer valid). Spending time to identify the source provides a starting point for introspection and eventual growth.
Reflecting on values and beliefs
I am a big proponent of always returning to our values when confronted by a crisis, as it often prompts reevaluating our values and beliefs. What truly matters to us? What are our core principles? Reflecting on these questions helps us realign our actions with our authentic selves. It is an opportunity to shed societal expectations and embrace a life aligning with our convictions. In moments when I have gone against my values, I found the most discomfort, the least acceptance, and the most resistance. Both internally and externally. Internally, because there was no alignment, and in time, shame develops for not living in congruency with my values. Externally, because people, even though they are focused primarily on themselves, will instinctively understand we are not coming from an authentic place and will resist us and our leadership attempts.
Embracing vulnerability
During times of personal crisis, vulnerability can be seen as a weakness, but in reality, it is the doorway to self-discovery. Embracing vulnerability allows us to confront our deepest fears and insecurities, providing an opportunity for genuine introspection. It is okay not to have all the answers; acknowledging this vulnerability is the first step towards finding strength within. And to accepting oneself.
Cultivating self-compassion
Self-compassion is a powerful tool that often gets overlooked in times of personal crisis. It involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to a friend facing similar challenges. By practising self-compassion, we create a nurturing environment for personal growth, allowing ourselves the grace to learn from our mistakes and setbacks. And while yes, self-care has a part to play, self-compassion is much bigger and frankly might be more rewarding than a one-hour massage (but you do you and what works for you). A handy question is to ask yourself if the stuff you are telling yourself is something you would say to a friend or a loved one. If you wouldn’t say it to them, why would you say it to yourself? Be kind. And kindness starts within.
Seeking support
Isolation is a common reaction during times of crisis, but seeking support is crucial for navigating the tumultuous waters of self-discovery and to challenge our thinking. Whether through friends, family, or professional counselling, having a support system provides an external perspective and a network to lean on. Sharing our struggles fosters connection and reminds us that we are not alone in our journey.
I keep harping on this in my blog posts because some of us are uncomfortable asking for help. I get it. But we must. Perhaps we don’t have a strong network to lean on. We might have to buy or borrow or build the support. A coach, a therapist, or an unbiased 3rd party, who can give us an outside perspective and help us sort through the arising personal issues is a must. And is critical for mental health and seeing the way out of the crisis and moving into action.
Exploring new perspectives
Personal and identity crises often arise when we feel confined by societal norms or personal expectations. Exploring new perspectives – whether through travel, literature, or engaging with diverse communities – broadens our understanding of the world and ourselves. It is an invitation to break free from the shackles of routine and embrace the richness of human experience. How can one do that if one is always with the same types of people and the same social, economic and ethnic communities? It means we have to step out of our comfort zone and go and talk to people who “don’t look like us” to find out more. I would suggest going forward with the spirit of curiosity and understanding to see what new perspectives one can learn.
I find that we have to particularly do this in Australia as we are so very far away from many countries. While a blessing on one hand, it does mean the onus sits with us to lift our heads and see what the rest of the world (or perhaps the people in the next State!) is experiencing. For no other reason than to help round us as human beings on planet earth.
Mindfulness and self-reflection
We often neglect the importance of mindfulness and self-reflection in our daily hustle and bustle. Taking time for introspection, whether through meditation or journaling, allows us to unravel the layers of our identity. We must take the time. A simple set of questions might be: What is this situation telling me about myself? About my values and beliefs? About how I thought the world functioned and my role in it? What is it telling me about what I thought of others? Who am I in relations to others? And they to me? Keeping digging, and you will get to the answer.
Accepting change and uncertainty
Life is inherently uncertain, and change is its only constant. Embracing the inevitability of change allows us to navigate personal crises with a more open mind. It is a reminder that despite adversity, there is potential for growth and transformation. We create space for new opportunities and discoveries by relinquishing the illusion of control. And setting up a mindset that is based on curiosity and learning – one of expansion rather than contraction. But…also be open to not knowing the answer in the time frame you thought you would. It is not a failure and there is nothing wrong. It is part of growth and to trusting yourself to get to acceptance in the time that works for you.
Rediscovering passions
Personal crises often lead to a disconnection from the activities and passions that once brought us joy. Getting back to these interests reignites a sense of purpose and gives us focus. Whether it is a hobby, a creative pursuit, or a physical activity, engaging in activities that resonate with our authentic selves sparks a renewed zest for life. Perhaps it is also an opportunity to try something new. Join a new charity or contribute to a cause. Whatever it might be, explore what the personal crisis you are going through is trying to tell you about what you might need to do differently.
Setting boundaries
During identity questioning, it is crucial to set boundaries that protect our mental and emotional well-being. Setting boundaries involves saying no to obligations that do not align with our values and learning to prioritise us. Setting boundaries is a declaration of self-worth and a commitment to cultivating a life honouring our true self. So, if you haven’t learned how to set boundaries, perhaps this is the time to do so.
Embracing the journey
Self-discovery is not a destination but a continuous journey. It involves embracing the ebb and flow of life, recognising that growth often emerges from the most challenging moments. Instead of fixating on the destination, focus on the present moment, relishing in the small victories and lessons that shape the evolving narrative of your life. I find that if I focus on the next one step that I can take, the journey seems less daunting and more manageable. It might sound silly to say keep moving when you might not even know where you are heading, but it works. You have to trust the process of self-discovery and while it is tough in a world that only rewards outcomes, you sometimes really do need to do things without a clear outcome or expected result.
Finding oneself in times of personal crisis or identity issues is a transformative process that requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to authenticity. It is not easy, and it is not clear-cut. It is a journey of introspection, and vulnerability. By setting boundaries, seeking support, and reconnecting with our core values, we can navigate the complexities of self-discovery and emerge more self-aware, and aligned with our true identity. Remember, amid chaos, the opportunity for growth and self-revelation often emerges if we are open to the possibilities that this road might just take us towards a more fulfilling and authentic life.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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