When I left my last employer, many people contacted me to wish me well, as most people who leave their organisations would and do experience. What blew my mind was so many people sharing with me how much I had helped them, impacted them (positively!) and how many would miss me.
Don’t get me wrong. It was flattering. It was appreciated and fantastic for people to take the time and make an effort. The feedback came from people I worked with, clients and vendors, colleagues in the industry, and many others I interacted with while at the company. I see this every day on LinkedIn, with people taking the time to wish others well and thank them for their service or share a story about how the person helped shape them.
What struck me then and still does today is that so many waited until I was leaving to tell me. Even my farewell party felt like a wake – you know, where good people say good things about you, and I remember thinking, why couldn’t I have heard that before I left?
And yes, I received lovely and fantastic feedback in my eight years there. But what I experienced on my exit was next-level goodness. So why then, and why not more during my time?
Then, of course, like all good things, I turned the mirror back on myself and thought of the many times when I didn’t do the same. And why was that? And what could I have done differently then, and what I do differently today? So here are my thoughts on what we leaders need to do and be to make a difference.
Call out the good
And no matter how small it may seem, call out the good of someone’s behaviour. It might just be something the recipient does not think about and think it is just a “that’s what I do” for them. But the small things people do are how they do the big things. And calling out the small things reinforces to them that they matter and how they do things matters. Do this for the people serving coffee and the people closing the big deals.
Do it often
We don’t know what is happening in people’s lives. Even the closest relationships at work and the trust built between colleagues can’t uncover everything. We don’t know. Appreciating how someone did something might make a massive difference in a person’s day. They might have been challenged on the way to work or told at home (by a teenager!) that what they do does not matter. You might make their day. Try to do it frequently and consistently with every team member. Extend it to your clients and suppliers. And the bonus for doing it often and consistently? You train yourself and create new pathways of behaviours and habits.
Get out of our heads and look around
Easier said than done, I know. We are often focused on our own thing and challenges, and we need people to tell us we are doing good stuff. However, we need to get out of our heads, especially as leaders, and remember that we must lead and set an example if we want to carry the mantle of leadership. Do you want to build trust and worthiness as a leader? Get out of your head and focus on the people around you.
Show we care
When we call out the good stuff, we build many goodwill points within others and ourselves. We show we notice and that, frankly, we see the person. They are not a cog in the wheel. They are not an employee who “gets paid, so why do I need to tell them they are doing a good job” type of attitude (a direct quote from a “leader” who told me this once!), but a human being who is fully seen. As a leader, “I see you” is possibly one of the most powerful things you can leave with someone.
Appreciate you
As leaders, we must strive to have a solid understanding of ourselves and a deep appreciation for who we are and what we bring. It’s my experience that it will be difficult to appreciate others if we don’t appreciate ourselves first. So take the time to show appreciation for your work or how you handled a particular situation or addressed an issue. Appreciate yourself and what you do, and create pathways of appreciation.
I know this all sounds like it is all feel-good stuff. And hey, there is nothing wrong with that. But it is beyond just the superficial or about playacting that one “cares” as a leader. It is about not waiting until the last day your employee leaves or your customer goes that you start to show genuine appreciation. It is an opportunity to build the capability in your day-to-day and make the impact you wish to make as a leader.
It’s about doing the right things at the right times and not just at the end times. Take the time now, and the rewards for yourself and others will be unmeasurable.
Give it a whirl and see what happens to you and those around you. Be the leader you would like to see in your own life, and maybe together, we can change the narrative that leaders only care when it matters to them.
What lessons have you learned about appreciation and showing care for others as a leader?
As always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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