Like many leaders, I always thought I had a solid grasp of rapport. After all, I have built my career around human connection. Whether in sales, executive roles, or now as an executive coach, I have been reading rooms since childhood – literally. My father was a diplomat. I know how to build trust, how to connect quickly, and how to hold space. Or so I thought.
Recently, my teacher issued a challenge to my cohort: consciously hold rapport with every person we interacted with for seven days. Not just clients or colleagues, but everyone: baristas, retail workers, friends, family. For a whole week. Challenge accepted.
What I discovered surprised me. It was not that I lacked the skill but how fragile rapport actually is, and how much energy it takes to maintain.
Rapport is easy to mistake for a checkbox. Smile, nod, make eye contact = tick the box, right? However, rapport is not a one-time technique. It is an ongoing, energetic exchange that is constantly in motion. And if you are not paying attention, you will miss the micro-moments when it slips away.
One example comes from a conversation with a close friend. I interrupted to share my opinion, a small, normal thing in everyday chat, especially among friends. But I felt it immediately: her body language shifted, the rhythm changed. I had broken rapport without meaning to, and had to work consciously to repair it. Not with a grand apology, but with presence, curiosity, and giving her back the space.
In another moment, a brief interaction with a young man selling phone accessories turned unexpectedly human. I noticed his accent (a detail I only caught because I had lived in his country), asked a question, and connected with part of his story. His face lit up. He even offered me a discount I hadn’t asked for (a lovely surprise!). This was not about the sale. It was about the feeling of being seen. It reminded me how quickly genuine rapport can transcend the transactional.
What this means for us as leaders
Rapport is not just a “soft skill.” It is a leadership discipline woven into how you breathe, listen, respond, and hold space under pressure. It does not only matter in high-stakes boardrooms or client pitches. It matters at home, in the elevator, on Zoom. And with the people you assume are “fine.” Because rapport, like trust, is strongest when consistent and unconditional.
For me, someone whose energy is about recognising others and being invited to engage, the quality of rapport is everything. It is not about managing the room with charisma or about faking “liking” someone. It is about seeing people deeply, holding space clearly, noticing when energy shifts, often before a word is spoken.
So, if you think you are great at rapport, I invite you to try sustaining it: all day, with everyone. Notice what happens in your body when you are really present… and what happens when you are not.
Here are some questions to consider reflecting on:
- Where do you assume rapport already exists? When did you last check?
- Can you feel when someone emotionally disengages, even subtly?
- How do you reconnect without trying to control the conversation?
Why leaders need to care about sustaining rapport
Rapport is not about charm or charisma. It is about consistently showing up in an authentic and intentional ways.
In my experience, when rapport is not maintained, people can start to feel less engaged. It is not always obvious right away, but the quality of connection really does affect how teams work together and how people experience their environment. When we make the effort to keep rapport alive, folks tend to feel noticed, maybe even respected, and that goes a long way toward building stronger relationships. After all, work is really all about relationships.
Sustaining rapport is even more challenging in hybrid or remote settings, where so much communication happens behind screens. The subtle cues, shifts in tone, body language, or energy, are harder to pick up. It requires deliberate effort to listen well, stay present, and create space for genuine connection, even at a distance.
Looking ahead: A deeper dive
This reflection is just the beginning of a four-part series on The Real Work of Rapport. Over the coming weeks, I will explore this topic further, so I hope this week’s blog post has sparked your interest.
If trust, leadership energy, and connection matter to you, I hope you will follow along and share your thoughts.
Thanks for reading. Here’s to sustaining the real work of connection, in every moment.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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