Picture this: it is a typical Tuesday, and you, the ever-thoughtful leader, decide to lift the team’s spirits. You swing by the local bakery and pick up a cake. It is decadent—layers of chocolate, a swirl of cream, maybe even a hint of caramel. You march into the office like a hero, cake in hand, returning from the front office. As the scent of sugar and frosting wafts through the air, you watch smiles light up the room. You think, “I’ve done a good thing today.”
But, hold on—have you really?
Before you start placing a weekly order with the local patisserie, I want to share with you why I think bringing cake to the office can be more of a leadership misstep than a sweet gesture, especially for women* in leadership.
Now, before getting into this, there is a BIG caveat. If you want to bring cake to the office, do so by all means. I am not here to tell you what to do—I am simply sharing a perspective that might resonate, or not. Take what works, and leave the rest. Just hear me out.
The “Cake trap” and its hidden messages
Bringing cake to the office may seem harmless, and for many, it is a kind gesture. However, for women leaders, it is worth considering how it might subtly reinforce stereotypes and blur the lines. Historically (not that far back in human evolution), women have been expected to play the role of caretaker—keeping the peace, spreading warmth, and, yes, baking cookies. You might unintentionally be stepping into that stereotype when you show up with cake.
Now, this is not about denying your generosity or your desire to create a positive workplace. The problem is that when women leaders engage in this behaviour, it can feed into existing biases: that women “play” the “mothers” of the office rather than the decision-makers. And guess what? Do it often enough, and once a woman leader has been placed in the box marked “caretaker,” it can be challenging to climb out.
Generosity vs. Authority
When a male leader brings cake to the office, it is often seen as an unexpected and charming bonus. But when a woman leader does it, the gesture can be interpreted as part of her “expected” role, overshadowing her authority. Fair? No. Equitable? No. The reality in some workplaces? Yes.
Leadership is about influence and impact, not cake deliveries. As a leader, you are setting the tone, shaping the culture, and helping the team toward its goals. While cake can temporarily boost morale, it is not what solidifies your authority or inspires respect. On the contrary, relying on these kinds of gestures to bond with your team can send mixed signals about your role—especially when those gestures start looking a lot like “emotional labour.”
The burden of emotional labour
Emotional labour (read What is Emotional Labor?) in the workplace (yes, as if many of us don’t already have enough of that at home!) is the unseen burden that many women leaders carry.
Emotional labour is the “often [invisible] work of managing others’ emotions, smoothing conflicts, and keeping everyone comfortable”. It is important for leadership, for sure, but it also seems disproportionately expected of women. Bringing in cake, organising office parties, or planning team-building activities—these are tasks that can easily slip into the emotional labour bucket.
The problem is not doing these things; it is the unspoken expectation that women should take them on. When a female leader consistently engages in this kind of work, it can start to overshadow her strategic contributions. Are you the person driving high-impact decisions and delivering results—or the person ensuring there is always cake in the breakroom? Where exactly are you putting your mental energies? And what are you focused on?
And let’s face it: I do not know of anyone who wants to be “the cake lady” (unless that is their career!) when they are aiming for “the decision-maker” or “chief of something important”.
Breaking free from the cake
So, what is the alternative? It is not about being distant or removing warmth from your leadership style—far from it. It is about setting boundaries and leading in ways that reinforce your authority without falling into stereotypical traps. Here are some ideas that might help you navigate this balancing act but remember—these are just options. You know your team and your leadership style best, so take what feels right for you.
Celebrate with impact, not sugar: Instead of cake, consider celebrating wins with something more aligned with leadership—like hosting a brief but impactful recognition session. Use that time to spotlight achievements and tie them back to the team’s broader goals. You are still celebrating, but you are also reinforcing your role as the person driving the vision.
Delegate the cake duty: Love cake but hate the stereotype? No problem. Delegate it. Create a rotating schedule where team members take turns organising treats or snacks. That way, everyone (regardless of gender) gets a chance to contribute, and it is not always falling on the women—especially the leader—to play “office mother.”
Set the tone with strategic gestures: Gestures matter, but they should align with your leadership brand. Instead of cake, why not send out a thoughtful article, a leadership book recommendation, or a brief note on the team’s latest success? These types of actions subtly reinforce your authority and emphasise your role as a strategic guide.
Model healthy boundaries: The reality is, many leaders—especially women—feel pressured to be “nice” and approachable at all costs. While approachability is important, it should not come at the expense of clear boundaries. Modelling a focus on strategic priorities rather than getting bogged down in the nurturing role helps others respect and mirror those boundaries.
Of course, like always, if bringing cake is what makes you happy, then by all means, who am I to tell you differently? Bring in the cake. But be intentional and purposeful about why you are doing this. Is it to be liked? To be nice? While no one wants anyone to second-guess themselves, it is important to ask yourself one simple question: What is my intention with this gesture?
The long-term leadership impact
If you do decide to ditch the cake, what happens? Believe it or not, for many, you will start to notice shifts in how your team perceives you. By focusing on high-impact actions that reinforce your strategic value, you create a more robust leadership presence. You are no longer the person smoothing things over with treats; you are the person setting direction, solving problems, and leading the charge toward the organisation’s vision and mission.
The key here, again, is intentionality. Leadership is not just about doing the right things; it is also about knowing how small gestures can influence how others perceive your role. Cake might be a small thing in the grand life of your leadership career, but it can contribute to a much bigger narrative.
But wait…what about office culture? (or did I just kill the cake fairy at work?)
Okay, okay—I hear you. Office culture matters; sometimes, cake (or similar gestures) keeps things fun and human. But here is the twist as I see it: you can foster a great culture without always being the person behind it.
Create opportunities for the team to shape the culture. Empower team members to take ownership of celebrations or morale-boosting activities. When culture is co-created, it is much more authentic—and it does not fall on you as the leader to keep it alive with constant doses of sugar (regardless of gender).
The double standards leaders still face: I do have to address the proverbial elephant in this blog: this is, in part, a double standard. It is not right that women leaders are scrutinised more harshly for behaviours that are seen as neutral or even positive in male leaders. But until those biases are fully dismantled (and we are working on it!), women leaders need to be especially mindful of how they frame their leadership (I know, never seems right even writing it). This is not about changing who you are—it is about making intentional choices that align with your leadership goals.
My intention is never to make it harder for a woman leader or to highlight the ever-growing expectations that are placed on women’s shoulders (see emotional burden above as one example). The truth is that leadership is still an area where subtle behaviours carry a lot of weight. You can be both warm and authoritative, but the balance is delicate. Being intentional about how you show up—cake or no cake—will help you strike that balance. Intentionality is the key.
Final thoughts
The “don’t bring cake” mantra is not really about baked goods. No, really it is not. It is a metaphor for being strategic in how you express care, support, and leadership. It is a reminder to think through the behaviours and gestures that might unintentionally pigeonhole you into roles that detract from your authority and ultimately the impact and value you want to bring.
So, the next time you find yourself eyeing that triple-layer chocolate cake at the bakery, just ask yourself: is this really how I want to show up as a leader today? If the answer is “yes,” then go for it. If not, maybe try a different kind of leadership strategy. The key is to lead in a way that feels authentic to you—cake or no cake.
For those who like the Invitation to Action section, this one is for you.
If you have been the “cake leader” more times than you can count, do not sweat it. Leadership growth is all about recognising patterns and making intentional shifts. Start small: the next time you want to celebrate a win, do it in a way that reinforces your strategic value or showcases your creative capabilities. It is about those small, thoughtful changes that build the kind of leadership presence that stands the test of time—no frosting required.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
*In this article, the term ‘woman’ includes anyone who identifies as female.
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