A mentor of mine once imparted a piece of wisdom that took years for me to grasp fully (mentors tend to have this effect, by the way). He said there is a significant difference between being and doing, and that I was in “doing” mode way more than “being” mode.
At the time, his words sounded like something senior management might say after a company retreat, a bit like a catchy tagline with no real substance. So, I tucked it away in the back of my mind, not fully understanding its meaning. It took a few years, and then I understood. Today, I wanted to share my understanding with you.
It is also my way of saying thank you to all the mentors who give their time and energy. It might not land in the moment, but it does land. Thank you, Duncan Hewett.
So what is being vs doing?
Being is about presence. It is about listening without judgment and finding peace in whatever we are doing. Being is who we are, not what we are. It is the state of our relationships and our connections with others. Being encompasses our character, our values, and our intuition. It is about the core of our identity, stripped of ego and separate from the person actively doing tasks.
On the other hand, doing is all about the roles we play in life. It is the job we have, the car we drive, and the persona we project to the world. Doing is focused on goals and objectives, on achievement and drive. It is the action-oriented side of us that is constantly striving to accomplish something.
By now, you might be thinking, don’t we need both? Yes, I believe we do. They are the two sides of the same coin. On one side, we have who we want to be (doing), and on the other, who we need to be (being). What we want from life (being) versus what we can get out of life (doing).
Imagine for a moment you are at work, knee-deep in a project. Your mind buzzes with deadlines, tasks, and the need to achieve results. This is you in doing mode. You are focused, driven, and productive. However, it is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture in this state. You might overlook the importance of your relationships with colleagues or miss subtle cues indicating someone needs your help or support.
Now, picture yourself taking a break from that project. You step outside, take a deep breath, and just exist for a moment. You are aware of your surroundings, notice the people around you, and listen to them without an agenda. This is you in being mode. In this state, you are more connected to yourself and others. You can reflect on your values and purpose, and you are more open to the world around you.
The key is to find a balance between these two modes. Too much doing without enough being can lead to burnout and a sense of emptiness. On the other hand, too much being without enough doing can lead to a lack of direction and purpose. We need both to lead a fulfilling life.
Another way to think about this is this: Doing is the engine that drives our life forward. It gets us up in the morning and keeps us moving towards our goals. Being is the fuel that sustains us. It gives us the energy and the clarity to keep going, even when things get tough.
In our society, there is often a greater emphasis on doing – the hustle culture, the overproductive, super efficiency-focused mantra of many leaders. We are encouraged to be productive, achieve, and constantly move forward. But it is important to remember that being is just as important. It is the foundation upon which our doing is built. Our doing can become hollow and meaningless without a strong sense of being.
I won’t spend too much on doing as we all know when we are in doing mode! So, how can we cultivate a sense of being?
One way is through mindfulness. This can be as simple as taking a few moments each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. Or it can be more structured, like a regular meditation practice. The idea is to create space where you can connect with yourself and the present moment without distractions. It is quieting the monkey brain that is in go-go-doing mode. My favourite book on this topic of creating space is The Third Space by Australian author Dr Adam Fraser. Well worth a read.
Another way to cultivate being is through relationships and connections. Take the time to listen to the people in your life honestly. Be present with them without judgment or agenda. This not only strengthens your relationships but also helps you to connect with your values and intuition. I get it, though. Doing so can be difficult. So many of us are pressed with the demands of life, and there is only so much energy to give. It is not always possible. The idea here is to look for the pockets where you can. Take a breath and ask yourself, “How can I best show up for this human right now?” or “How can I best show up for myself right now?”
Another important way to cultivate being is to take time for self-reflection. This can be through journaling, talking with a trusted friend or mentor, or walking in nature. The goal is to create space to reflect on your values, goals, and purpose. I know many people who find it hard to be by themselves. I am not talking about whole days alone but being with themselves – for any time. When was the last time you took yourself on a date? Just you. To an art exhibit, car show, the museum, or something different from your routine. By yourself. Try it out. You will fall in love with you all over again.
So, by now, you might be thinking, ok, great, thanks. Got it. So, how do we balance being and doing in our daily lives, not just being?
There is no other place to start than with awareness. Notice when you are in doing mode and when you are in being mode. Please pay attention to how each mode feels and how it affects your overall well-being. I am not encouraging us to label every little activity we do but to be aware. Sometimes, even in listening mode, we are actually in doing mode. We are listening so we can respond and say our thing or answer the person with an agenda (agreement or disagreement) rather than listening to what is happening for them. That is the difference between trying to be in doing vs being mode.
You might find setting aside specific times for being and doing helpful. For example, you could dedicate the first 30 minutes of your day to being. This might involve meditation, journaling, or sitting quietly with a cup of something. Then, you could shift into doing mode for the next few hours, focusing on your tasks and goals. And then come back to being. And so forth. Having a mix of the two in the day, the week, the month or the year will help with burnout (too much doing) or boredom (too much being).
Ultimately, the goal is to create a balance between being and doing so that you can design and have the fulfilling and meaningful life you desire.
Remember, it is not about perfection. There will be times when you are more focused on doing and times when you are more focused on being. The key is to find a balance that works for YOU and stay open to growth and self-discovery.
And there you have it, my take on the being vs doing and what I learned from that advice a long time ago. Both being and doing are essential aspects of our lives and finding the balance between the doing and the being has been one of those great lessons for me.
Doing is about action, achievement, and moving forward. Being is about presence, connection, and self-awareness. By finding a balance between the two, we will be better able to manage the ups and downs of life and the overall human experience we are facing daily. So, take a moment to reflect on your balance of being and doing, and consider how you might cultivate a greater sense of presence and purpose in your daily life. And please do share how you cultivate the balance in your life?
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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