This week, I wanted to dive into a topic that is as relatable as it is frustrating: dealing with disappointment when our leaders don’t quite live up to our expectations. Whether in the corporate world, a community organisation, a school or a club, chances are you have experienced that sinking feeling when the people in charge don’t deliver. In this short post, I will explore some practical steps for navigating disappointment in a way that is constructive and empowering.
Understanding disappointment
Before I get into the nitty-gritty of how to deal with letdowns from our leaders, let’s take a minute to understand what disappointment is. Essentially, disappointment happens when reality fails to meet our expectations or hopes. It is that feeling of deflation when things do not turn out how we envisioned them. When it comes to our leaders, disappointment can be particularly impactful (and sometimes painful) because we often look to them for guidance, inspiration, and support.
The impact of disappointment
When our leaders let us down, it can have ripple effects throughout an organisation or community. Morale may take a hit as people feel disillusioned or disheartened. Trust in leadership may erode, leading to decreased productivity and collaboration. And on a personal level, disappointment can leave us feeling frustrated, demotivated, and unsure where to turn.
So, what can we do when our leaders fall short of our expectations? Here are some practical tips to help constructively navigate disappointment:
Acknowledge your feelings
First and foremost, it is essential to acknowledge and validate your feelings of disappointment. It is okay to be upset or frustrated when things don’t go as planned. Take time to process your emotions and reflect on why you feel like you do. I have written about this before because I think it is a crucial action. Even a quick check-in with yourself to name the emotion you are feeling and what it is trying to tell you can help you quickly navigate the disappointment and into a constructive path forward.
Get some perspective
Once you have acknowledged your feelings, try to step back and gain some perspective. Ask yourself: Are my expectations realistic? Is there a valid reason for why things turned out this way? Leaders have to make many decisions for reasons that are not always obvious to us, so stepping out of the situation and trying to gain a broader perspective can help put things into context and alleviate some of the disappointment.
Communicate constructively
If you feel comfortable, consider communicating your disappointment to your leaders constructively. Be honest and specific about how their actions or decisions have impacted you, but try to avoid placing blame or being confrontational. A simple: “When [abc] happened, it impacted me in [xyz] ways. I would like to discuss if there are solutions available to address the issue/impact”.
Focus on what you can control
I worked with a leader in my early career who often used the phrase “It is what it is” whenever something unexpected happened, and it used to drive me insane. As I got older and perhaps a bit wiser, I understood what they meant. While you may not be able to change your leaders’ actions or decisions, you have control over how you choose to respond to disappointment. Focus on what you can do to move forward in a positive direction. I believe that action brings clarity, so even taking any of the actions identified in this post will bring clarity on what you can control and therefore do.
Find support
Do not underestimate the power of support from others during times of disappointment. Reach out to friends, family members, or colleagues (this group with caution) who can offer empathy, guidance, or simply a listening ear. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with others can help lighten the burden and provide much-needed perspective. If this is not something you are comfortable doing with friends and family, then a therapist or counsellor can be of value. Use your organisation’s employee assistance program. The point is: if you need help, seek it out.
Learn and grow
Finally, try to view disappointment as an opportunity for learning and growth. Ask yourself: What can I take away from this experience? How can I use this disappointment as fuel to propel myself forward? By reframing disappointment as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block, you can emerge stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to handle future challenges and disappointments.
Final thoughts
Let’s face it: leaders are human, and they will make mistakes again and again. It is the natural part of the human experience. But this is not about those leaders. This is about you. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking perspective, communicating constructively, focusing on what you can control, finding support, and embracing growth opportunities, you can navigate disappointment in a productive and empowering way. So, the next time you find yourself feeling let down by your leaders, remember that you have the power to turn that disappointment into an opportunity for reflective action.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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