Growing up, the etiquette rulebook in many societies often said, “Don’t dive into sex, politics, or religion, especially at work or with new acquaintances.” The rationale is clear: these topics can be contentious and uncomfortable. Yet, as a friend wisely advised, even once familiarity is established, discussions must be approached with a learning mindset rather than an “evangelising” one.
And sure, on the surface, it seems like reasonable advice. Who wants to be that person stirring up discomfort over lunch or at after-work drinks? But peel back the layers, and you might find that this rule to always avoid breaking taboos shortchanges us and comes with its own set of issues. Here is my take on it.
This etiquette constraint, I argue, diminishes our capacity for understanding diverse perspectives and the lived experiences of others. Consider religion; by avoiding conversation, how can we grasp the nuances of different faiths beyond what is presented by sensationalist sources? Reading books or scouring the internet can provide information, but the richness of lived experiences remains untapped without engaging in dialogue with those outside our immediate circles. And how would that happen if we do not bring up the topic for fear of offending?
The same holds for politics. The polarisation surrounding political discussions often stems from a lack of willingness to understand alternative viewpoints. Approaching these conversations with a learning mindset, rather than a need to assert one’s position, could potentially broaden our perspectives and foster a more informed citizenry. Again, how would that happen if we do not bring up the topic in any genuine depth for fear of offending or, worse – of being found different?
Sex, albeit a more private domain, suffers from societal restrictions on discussion. By deeming it a taboo topic in some circles, we risk hindering essential conversations, and I would go as far to say, constraining us from discussing, in any depth, issues such as domestic violence and sexual assault outside of those who are well-informed, well-researched or have the experience. Again, how do we become well-informed and well-researched if we do not bring up the topic for fear of offending and breaking taboos?
Extending this line of thought to the workplace prompts consideration of other taboo topics. Beyond the trio mentioned above, certain workplaces discourage discussions about a number of topics. One that springs to mine is the discussion of salary and compensation among colleagues under the guise of confidentiality. This secrecy, however, appears more as a means for organisations to maintain control (and playing employees against each other) than a genuine necessity.
Health and family matters are additional subjects often skirted in professional settings. While there seems to be a growing acceptance around mental health, physical (non-visible) health issues seem to still carry some residual “don’t share” attitude. As for family, some might shy away from sharing personal details, fearing it might make us seem less “dedicated” to our careers. Avoiding or minimising the importance of family (in whatever guise it comes) creates an artificial divide in our identity as living, working human beings. And many people are rebelling against this and voting with their feet. But that is for another blog post.
Reflecting on my own past experiences, I wonder about the taboo topics in other workplaces, beyond politics, religion, sex, and discussions about salary, health, and family life that might be restricted. The question then becomes: what do these “taboos” cost us in terms of personal connection, understanding, and workplace culture? What do they cost us in terms of perpetuating racism, sexism and other -isms that have no place in our society, let alone our workplaces? What would happen if we broke free from the constraints of taboo topics and found a way to pave the way for a more open, understanding, and authentic society? And truly more open, diverse and inclusive workplaces?
What are the forbidden topics in your workplace, and do you believe breaking these taboos could lead to a more inclusive and empathetic environment? Are you game to share?
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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